Newsletter

Given that we are now recuperating from the recent Thanksgiving holiday, looking ahead to Christmas, Hanukah, and Kwanzaa, and for me ringing in the new year with my daughter’s wedding, reflecting on hosting and gathering has been in the forefront of my mind. I take my hosting and party planning seriously. I am Martha Stewart’s self-declared competition.

More than any previous year, 2022 has become my year of hosting and gathering with purpose and intention beyond compare. It has become so clear to me that in every gathering I have hosted, guests have walked away with newfound friends and joy in their hearts. This isn’t magic. It is intention which follows a three-part structure: clarify the purpose of the gathering, purposely include structures and activities which support that purpose, celebrate each person individually somehow during the process. I have proven this three-part model on every occasion.

• For example, let’s start when I had to move away from my beloved neighbors. My grief was acknowledged with a formal sit-down dinner to honor my neighbors, who I came to love dearly and would miss miserably.
• Purpose: expression of love, appreciation, celebration of what each person has come to mean to me
• Structure: community building story telling prompts for each person to share a piece of themselves that others might not know
• Last Will and Testament Certificate Awards ceremony with gag gifts to honor each person and their talents with humor, applause, laughter, and tears.

That was followed by a “housewarming/meet my new digs” party.

• Purpose: reconnect as an extended family despite the location change, team-building among neighbors and friends.
• Structure: neighborhood trivia quiz contest and team scavenger hunt to visit each room in the house.

Then came the Spanish Wine Tasting, Tapas, and Paella Making party.

• Purpose: connecting, laughing, judging wine, and looking forward to the end of winter and hope of spring
• Structure: rating wines from each region and consuming entirely too much alcohol, cooking, and eating to feed camaraderie, souls, and stomachs

The Jewish New Year brought my annual Rosh Hashanah dinner featuring every member of my “Family of Choice” with a groaning table of food, and the sparkling personalities of the guests to consume it.

• Purpose: to toast the new year with blessings for hope and renewal, build community and connections between the people I adore and to have their spirits lifted by connecting with each other
• Structure: before the meal, each person was introduced to the total group chronologically as they appeared in my life, what they mean to me, and people they need to meet and speak to within the larger group

And then came the engagement party, the bridal shower and upcoming wedding in one months’ time. They all follow this pattern, so people feel connected, seen, and heard; that they explicitly know they are valued guests, that they belong, and that they experience joy. I am as passionate about this process as I am passionate about the participants.

We need to honor the people in our lives. Gathering with a purpose and a structure makes this come to life. The opportunities to try this are just weeks away. Don’t leave the magic to chance.

~ Fran

Below are 5 reflective questions you might consider when planning a gathering:

1. What is the purpose of this gathering?
2. Who not only fits but also helps fulfill the gathering’s purpose?
3. Who threatens the purpose?
4. In what ways does your clarity of purpose become the bouncer for the party?
5. How does your purpose and intention scale down the invitation list?

These are five of my favorite books on gathering, hosting and community building:

1. The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters, by Priya Parker
   
2. Building Beloved Community in a Wounded World, by Jacob Goodson
   
3. How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community, by Mia Birdsong
   
4. Community: The Structure of Belonging, by Peter Block
   
5. I Love it Here: How Great Leaders Create Organizations Their People Never Want to Leave, by Clint Pulver

Holiday bonus favorite:

Turning to One Another Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future, by Margaret Wheatley

Here are some of my favorite quotes about the art of hosting and community building:

1. “When we don’t examine the deeper assumptions behind why we gather, we end up skipping too quickly to replicating old, staid formats of gathering.” ― Priya Parker
2. “Hosting is an art form. Like acting, singing, or comedy hosting is a craft. It’s a delicate dance of timing, the ability to read the room, and the art of conversation.” ― Todd Newton
3. “A guest is really good or bad because of the host or hostess who makes being a guest an easy or a difficult task.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
4. “We need to move from the leader as hero, to the leader as host.” — Margaret J. Wheatley
5. “Be transparent. Let’s build a community that allows hard questions and honest conversations so we can stir up transformation in one another.” ― Germany Kent

December 2022

December 2, 2022
Principal School Site Visits. Arlington Public Schools, VA

December 1, 2022
Leadership Coaching. North Little Rock, Arkansas

December 5 and 6, 2022
Principal School Site Visits. Arlington Public Schools, VA

December 6, 2022
Aspiring Principals Training. Virginia Beach, VA

December 8-9, 2022
Principal School Site Visits. Arlington Public Schools, VA

December 12-15, 2022
Principal School Site Visits. Arlington Public Schools, VA

December 16-29, 2022
THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS!!!!!!

December 30, 2022
Rehearsal dinner for Samantha and Jack

December 31, 2022
THE WEDDING OF A LIFETIME. LET US ALL TOAST SAMANTHA AND JACK HUNT

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2023!!!

I became a true Anglophile in the fifth grade when I experienced my first trip overseas to London. My passion for all things British continued when I was studying at the University of London. Of course, I binge-watched television all day and night when the Queen passed away, and mourned with the rest of the Commonwealth. I also was busy reflecting on her remarkable leadership. Hence, this newsletter which I dedicate to Her Majesty! God bless the memory of the Queen.

There are many leadership lessons that we can learn from the natural and consistent nature of Queen Elizabeth’s character. Her leadership was not about her title. It was about her relationship with the British people, who saw in their Queen a person who was true to her principles, willing to adapt to change, and committed to the welfare of society. Her major personality traits manifested the behaviors that her country appreciated. As leaders, we should all take note.

The Queen had an exceptional capacity to listen while withholding judgement. She was a true introvert, and with that comes great benefits which extroverted people could learn from. If you have read Susan Cain’s book, Quiet or Dan Pink’s book, To Sell is Human, you know that introverted behavior is a great leadership gift. Those who process their thinking internally are psychologically aligned to deeply listen to seek to understand, to come from a place of inquiry and curiosity, to practice empathic listening. Queen Elizabeth was off riding horses alone and hiking in the Scottish Highlands at Balmoral alone to counterbalance all of the media attention which she stoically accepted as part of the responsibility of the job. The lone walks with her corgis restored her.

The Queen was pragmatic and a realist. She focused on the problems of the here and now, and was set on solving them. All of the family drama and interpersonal conflicts were a huge stress because she couldn’t solve them in the here and now.

The Queen was a logical thinker. She chose to react with reason rather than emotion. Because of that some people thought that she was cold. No, she was acting the way a reserved introvert acts and responding rationally which is not perceived as empathically.

There were two times during her reign when empathy and emotion first and foremost were what her citizens needed to see, and it was those two occasions when the Monarchy and her reign were in real trouble because she didn’t express emotion or empathy. The first was the collapse of the Aberfan mine in 1966 when 116 children and 28 adults died. She was the last person to arrive a week later, after every other figurehead had been there from the start, including her husband. In the end, she arrived and did indeed show emotion. How could you not? She also returned to Aberfan several times since then, and the village came to adore her.

The second occasion was the death of Princess Diana. For a week the then prime minister Tony Blair begged and pleaded with her to make a statement and be seen by her people. Instead, she stayed at her reclusive home in Balmoral with her grandsons, who had lost their mother, and didn’t reach out. In the end, she saved her monarchy because of her ability to adapt. She and the family returned to London, did many “walkabouts” with the public, addressed the nation as a grandmother and when the funeral cortege rolled by Buckingham Palace she bowed her head in respect.

The Queen was responsible. In fact, when she gave an address to the Commonwealth of Nations when she turned 21, she pledged that she would be their Queen until her last day on earth. She kept her promise. Her leadership modeled responsibility and conscientiousness. The Queen preferred living an orderly life and following protocol. It was her way of staying grounded and calm in the midst of political chaos, family drama, and a global pandemic.

The Queen was emotionally stable. She was always calm, cool, and collected and made her visitors feel comfortable. She had a wry sense of humor and always participated in publicized skits (Remember 007 “Hello Mr. Bond” and then her double jumps out of an airplane to start the London Olympics, or having tea with Paddington at her 70th Jubilee?)

We can learn the lessons of authenticity, self-control, purpose, and legacy through the gift of 70 years of her modeling for us all.

~Fran

Ask yourself these 5 reflective questions that are designed to help you uncover and rediscover.

1. In what ways do you manifest sincerity, authenticity, and congruence between your words and your actions?
2. What are your strategies for practicing self-control when you are in stressful situations?
3. What is your collective mission that everyone can identify with? How do you walk in your purpose?
4. What are the values which you want to pass on to future generations?
5. How would you like to be remembered?

Five of Queen Elizabeth’s most inspiring and touching words of wisdom:

1. “We will succeed- and that success will belong to every one of us. We will meet again.”
2. “Good memories are our second chance at happiness.”
3. “The world is not the most pleasant place. Eventually, your parents leave you and nobody is going to go out of their way to protect you unconditionally. You need to learn to stand up for yourself and what you believe and sometimes, pardon my language, kick some ass.”
4. “We all need to get the balance right between action and reflection. With so many distractions, it is easy to forget to pause and take stock.”
5. “Grief is the price we pay for love.”

1. Quiet: The power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain
2. To Sell is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others, by Daniel Pink
3. Queen of Our Times: The Life of Elizabeth II, by Robert Hardman
4. The Palace Papers: Inside the House of Windsor -The Truth and The Turmoil, by Tina Brown
5. The Queen: Her Life, by Andrew Morton

November 2022

November 1, 2022
Return from Bangkok, Thailand. EARCOS Leadership Conference

November 3, 2022
Aspiring Leaders Series. Virginia Beach City Public Schools, VA

November 5 and 6, 2022
Transforming Schools Institute (virtual). CEESA Schools. Eastern Europe

November 7 and 8, 2022
Leadership Planning and Teacher Leadership. North Little Rock, AK

November 11 and 12, 2022
Transforming Schools Institute (virtual) Part Two. CEESA Schools. Eastern Europe

November 14 and 15, 2022
Site visits with Principals. North Little Rock, AK

November 16 and 17, 2022
Site visits with Principals. Arlington Public Schools, VA

November 21-25, 2022
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!

November 29, 2022
Advanced Communication Skills for Leaders. (Virtual) AAIE. Princeton, NJ

November 30, 2022
Site visits with Principals. North Little Rock, AK

It’s that time of year again. The time when the Jewish high holidays of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur arrive to remind us to say goodbye to the old year, reflect and revise for the new one, atone for our sins, and receive the gift of a ‘do-over’ to be better and do better in the new year to come.

It’s also that time of year when so many educators have dragged their tired and tested selves back to brick-and-mortar buildings after two-plus long and unimaginably exhausting years of pandemic education. They long for just one more day at the beach, one more day of sleeping in, one more day of no responsibilities.

That’s when the challenge really comes to the fore. How do we embrace our authentic selves wishing we were refreshed, ready and focused on the opportunities a new year presents? When in fact, the initial rush is over and we must face the reality of ‘pull yourself up from your bootstraps time’ to lead the charge of learning? This newsletter provides the answer. Read on …

The goal for us is to internalize, believe in, and exude trust, enthusiasm, love, purpose, joy, passion, and the spirit to live, work, and lead at a high level. It challenges us to overcome adversity, to share contagious energy with employees and colleagues, to bring out the best in ourselves and others, to overcome negative energy sources. 

This is not to suggest that you dig out your old cheerleading outfit and turn into a rah-rah, “Do we have spirit? Yes, we do!” pep rally organizer. Quite the opposite. It suggests that you become your own ‘Chief Energy Officer’, focusing on shining brightly rather than exuding a very subtle barely discernible light. It means intentionally modeling and facilitating those energy skills throughout your team or organization. Your positive energy and vision must be greater than everyone’s doubt.

So how do you strengthen your positive energy? Schedule things to do that restore you. Connect with people who make you smile. Find the value in yourself and in others. Revisit your purpose and ‘compelling why’ on a daily basis. Visualize your best self often. Elite athletes do it before every event because it works. We should be doing it too. It flows right into the law of attraction. 

The word “enthusiasm” comes from the Greek word ‘entheos’, which means to be inspired or filled with the divine. Let’s embrace the divine in us and inspire ourselves and everyone around us. It’s the new year. The time is now.

~Fran

‘Chief Energy Officer’ 5 Reflective Questions:

1. What is your vision for your life, your work, your relationships?
2. Who increases your energy?
3. Which projects energize you?
4. How can you recognize people and let them feel that they are loved?
5. How can you put joy into each day?

5 of My Favorite Positive Energy Resources:

1. Leading with Soul: An Uncommon Journey of Spirit, by Lee Bolman and Terrence Deal
2. Energy Addict: 101 Physical, Mental and Spiritual Ways to Energize your Life, by Jon Gordon
3. The HeartMath Institute, a non-profit committed to providing solutions for activating the heart of humanity
4. The Energy Bus: 10 Rules to Fuel Your Life, Work, and Team with Positive Energy, by Jon Gordon
5. Positively Energizing Leadership: Virtuous Actions and Relationships That Create High Performance, by Kim Cameron

5 of My Favorite Happy Songs:

According to research done by Harvard Medical School, music can have a myriad of positive effects on the brain, from keeping people relaxed during medical procedures to improving exercise endurance. In short, when you’re feeling blue, a happy song can work wonders, infusing joy into your day.

1.  Happy, Pharrell Williams
2. Let’s Go Crazy, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince
3. Walking on Sunshine, Katrina and the Waves
4. I Got You (I Feel Good), James Brown
5. Uptown Funk, Bruno Mars

October 2022

October 3, 2022
Aspiring Principals Training. Virginia Beach City Public Schools, VA

October 4, 2022
Communication Skills Training. AAIE Administrators worldwide

October 5, 2022
Yom Kippur, The Day of Atonement

October 6-7, 2022
AAIE Board of Trustees Retreat. Washington, DC

October 10-14, 2022
Systems Thinking and Trust Building. Bavarian International School, Munich Germany

October 18, 2022
Women in Leadership Training. Columbus, Ohio State Administrators Association

October 24-30, 2022
EARCOS Annual Leadership Conference. Keynote and breakout sessions. Bangkok, Thailand

There is a reason why I never chose to be an events planner. One daughter, one wedding, and feeling like the orchestrator of logistics for the Normandy Beach invasion is more than enough for me. Even in the best of circumstances, navigating the seemingly endless decisions to be made with your future son-in-law’s family can be fraught with strong opinions and high emotions. I have been surfing the waves of love and happiness punctuated by undercurrents of panic, loss, intimidation, loss of control, and fear. Let’s add an overlay of many strong opinions about the beef and fish, the hotel venue and the music list, the wedding registry, and the post-wedding brunch. I’ve turned into “Switzerland”, as I wear my hat of diplomacy.  I am really trying to find the lessons to be learned here.

Lesson One: It is so much better to bring a gift and be a guest.
 
The truth is that this is an enormous transition for everyone involved. My daughter is marrying a wonderful man who happens to be a Special Forces Green Beret. He has achieved the amazing feat of becoming one of the three percent of trainees who make it through the grueling Special Forces training to graduation, and yet, I am fearful for both of them. My daughter will be moving to Colorado Springs, Colorado to live with her beloved, and it feels so very far away. And I know from experience that sometimes life has the power to knock us down when we least expect it. It’s now my daughter’s turn to face life’s challenges, learn to get up and pull from her own resources and upbringing. I can now only support from the sidelines.
 
When I had a health challenge years ago, I was afraid I wouldn’t get to see my daughter find love and get married. With wedding drama notwithstanding, I am so grateful to be present for this moment that it brings me to tears. All I need to do is think of my daughter in her wedding gown and I’m bawling. I know that in the end, after all of the deposits and fees have been handed over to all of the vendors (just call me “The Bank of America”), I plan on having a very stiff drink, and raise my glass high to toast the newlyweds. With gusto, I will cheer, “L’Chaim. To life!”… and to wherever their life‘s journey takes them …together.

~Fran

5 of My Favorite Quotes About Love:

1. “Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it be rather a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”  — Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
2. “If I know what love is, it is because of you.” — Hermann Hesse
3. “Some people are worth melting for.” — Olaf, Frozen
4. “You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known and even that is an understatement.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Love Letters of F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald
5. “Grow old along with me; the best is yet to be.” —Robert Browning

5 of My Favorite Funny Wedding Movies:

When all else fails, you just have to laugh. These movies always do the trick.

1. Meet the Parents, with Ben Stiller, Robert De Niro, and Blythe Danner
2. Father of the Bride, with Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Diane Keaton
3. My Big Fat, Greek Wedding, with Nia Vardalos, John Corbett, and Michael Constantine
4. When Harry Met Sally, with Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan, and Carrie Fisher
5. Moonstruck, with Cher, Olympia Dukakis, and Nicholas Cage

5 of My Favorite Jokes about Partnerships:

1.  Wife: Do you want dinner?
   Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
   Wife: Yes and no.
2. It’s been ten years since the invisible man married the invisible woman. Their kids are nothing to look at either.
3. Never laugh at your partner’s choices. Remember: they also chose you. Cheers!
4. Well, what can I tell you about the groom? I’ve known him for about 10 years, he’s handsome, intelligent, witty, and charismatic. Sorry, wrong wedding.
5. Wife: “Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?”
   Husband: “How can I? I don’t even know her.”

September 2022

September 5, 2022
Advanced Communication Skills for the Experienced Leader: Session 
One. AAIE 

September 7-9, 2022
Leadership and Coaching Training. North Little Rock, AK

September 12, 2022
Principal Training Site Visits. Arlington Public Schools, VA

September 13, 2022
Principal Training Site Visits. Arlington Public Schools, VA

September 14-16, 2022 
Leadership and Coaching Training. North Little Rock, AK

September 20, 2022
Women in Leadership Training. Ohio Association for School Administrators 

September 21-23, 2022
Principal Training. North Little Rock, AK

September 26, 2022
Rosh Hashanah

September 27, 2022
Advanced Communication Skills for the Experienced Leader: Session Two. AAIE

September 28, 2022
Principal Training Site Visits. Arlington Public Schools, VA

September 29-30, 2022
Principal Leadership Training. Arlington Public Schools, VA

Perhaps you have seen the movie Sliding Doors which came out in 1998 starring Gwyneth Paltrow. At the beginning of the movie, Paltrow is racing to get to the London tube station to get to work. She arrives on the platform and sees the train about to pull away. She scrambles to catch it, strains to open the nearly sealed sliding doors at the very last possible second, and makes it onto the train. As a result of her catching this train, her day and ultimately her life unfolds in one particular direction. Making that train was significant. 

And then there is a movie rewind of sorts. The opening scene starts over with the same mad rush to catch the train at her London tube stop, except that this time, Gwyneth Paltrow misses the train. As a result, her day and her life go in a totally different direction than if she had made it. The rest of the movie is a view into these parallel lives playing against each other and how they differed dramatically. The concept of passing through ‘sliding doors’ at the very last possible moment altering the trajectory of your life is indeed called a ‘Sliding Door Moment,’ when the choice you make makes all the difference.

I was staring at the most significant ‘sliding door’ moment of my life when I was in Jerusalem a few weeks ago. Since I’ve been home, I’ve reflected on that choice and how it changed the entire trajectory of my life professionally, spiritually, personally, and emotionally. One phone call, one word ‘yes’, and to this day, that choice has turned my world around.

Thirty-eight years ago, I applied for a Fulbright Scholarship to study at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem, Israel. I wrote an in-depth proposal since Israel was a research and practicum front runner in the pedagogy I wanted to learn more about. It made all the sense in the world for me to apply. I thought, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” I sent my proposal and, with fingers crossed, I awaited the results from the reading committee for this most competitive slot.

There was good news and bad news. The good news was that when competing against some serious intellectual hard hitters, as a young professional still in my twenties, I was named first alternate. The bad news was that I was named first alternate, which is no different than being in last place unless someone drops out. So, I continued planning my life for the next few months, began a doctoral studies program, and moved along.

Two days before the cohort of scholars was to leave for Tel Aviv, I received a telephone call from the Minister of Education himself, direct from Jerusalem. He said, “Fran Prolman? A Fulbright candidate had to drop out at the last minute. We leave in two days. How fast can you pack?” My reply? “Very fast. Count me in.” Two days later, I boarded a plane at JFK for an unknown experience that to this day, has profoundly changed me in every possible way. 

For one, the minister of education who placed that fateful call and to whom I reported, along with his wife and their two sons, didn’t just become my family then. They have been my adopted family ever since. We visit each other every year at least once and call often. When I need serious advice, wisdom, and perspective, they are the people who I can call on. They are my other set of parents. They love me, celebrate with me, and cheer me on when I forget to do that for myself. I can’t imagine what my life would have been like these past 38 years without them being a crucial part of my journey. I don’t ever want to imagine this world without them in it.

The Fulbright experience solidified my passion not just for travel but for investigating global cultures. The experience singlehandedly changed the trajectory of my career. When I returned home, I added a second major to my doctoral course of studies. In addition to studying organizational development, I also formally studied international education. I applied for a second Fulbright scholarship to India four years later, and this time I won the award from the start and was named the research and cohort leader. I went on to provide training for future Fulbright scholars for many years that followed. 

I currently work with scores of international schools around the world to keep two-way cultural learning alive. What a special opportunity it was to work with the American schools in both Israel and India and reminisce with friends I still have there from that singular sliding door moment. 

What are your sliding door moments? Which are the ones you chose to move through? Which are the ones that in hindsight, you wish you had taken? By keeping this concept in the forefront of your mind, you empower yourself to be more conscious and aware of them when they present themselves and opportunities for choosing. 

I wonder if Robert Frost was thinking about a sliding door moment when he wrote one of my favorite poems, The Road Not Taken. 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both… (Read poem)

~Fran

Fran’s Five Sliding Door Reflective Questions:

1. What was your most influential sliding door moment, and how has the trajectory of your life been influenced by that choice?
2. What are some secondary sliding door moments which acted as follow up and more decision making as you were moving along that first most important road?
3. What would have happened if you didn’t take that sliding door leap? Where do you think your life could be now?
4. What wisdom would you share for people who are pondering the burden of a sliding door? 
5. From your experience, do you push through or stay still? What do you think?

5 of My Favorite Quotes About Sliding Door Moments:

1. “Sliding door moments happen when we’re in relationship with one another. When something upsets us, or when someone makes us mad, we have the opportunity to open up the sliding glass door—to not shut the other person out, just because they’ve upset us.” ~ Dr. John Gottman
2. “If you don’t step through the door and respond positively to the bid for connection, the door will close and the moment will pass.” ~ Shelby Ray
3. “Understanding and giving language to the concept of the sliding door moment has been game-changing for me. It has helped me put into words a new perspective, the importance of the little moments.” ~ Understanding Grace
4. “Be on the look-out for small moments that have big impacts.” ~ Ellie Lisitsa
5. “Our lives are full of sliding door moments, whether we’re at home with our loved ones, at work or at a store, the challenge is whether we (have the capacity to) see the opportunity in front of us so that we can make a choice that will be a positive one for ourselves and others around us.” ~ Andrew Iggledon

5 of My Favorite Books About Taking A Chance Or A Risk and Not Missing Your Sliding Door Moment:

1. Leap of Faith, by Queen Noor
2. Personal History, by Katherine Graham
3. Madame Secretary: A Memoir, by Madeline Albright and Bill Woodward
4. Drawing on Courage: Risks Worth Taking and Stands Worth Making (Stanford School),by Ashish Goel
5. Touch the Top of the World: A Blind Man’s Journey to Climb Farther than the Eye Can See, by Erik Weihenmayer

August 2022

August 1-2, 2022
High Impact Instruction. Camden County Technical Schools, NJ

August 3-4, 2022
A Culture of Questioning. Camden County Technical Schools, NJ

August 8-9, 2022
Principals Training. Arlington Public Schools, VA

August 10, 2022
Strategic Planning Meeting. Alexandria, VA

August 12, 2022 
Keynote Kick Off. Naples Community School, FL

August 15-16, 2022
Principals Training. Arlington Public Schools, 

August 23-25, 2022
Culture Building. Bavarian International School. Munich, Germany

August 26-27, 2022
School Board Facilitation. American School of Zagreb, Croatia

August 29-31, 2022
Teacher Leader Training. American School of Zagreb, Croatia

‘How hard could it be?’ I asked myself as I was contemplating buying and riding a bike again after decades of dormancy. 

At seven years old, I was the Queen of my Schwinn hot pink Barbie bicycle. I pedaled and rode for hours until it started getting dark and I’d have to come home for dinner. Is riding a bike like ‘riding a bike’ as the saying goes? I’m fit, I’m athletic, and I’m motivated. I can do this. How hard can this really be?

I am here to answer this question. Deep breath: one broken clavicle; six stitches in my left elbow, four big falls; two bike shop repairs, one arm sling; scores of black, blue, purple, and green bruises over every appendage of my body so I can now report unequivocally, getting back on a bike after decades of not riding is PRETTY… FRIGGIN … HARD!

But here’s my dilemma. 

I never shy away from a challenge. I always take on an annual ‘Holy Grail’ to keep me learning and growing in some way. I was determined to master this bike with the ultimate carrot dangling at the end of the bike trail. A biking buddy and I signed up for the 60-mile ‘Ride for The Living’ in Kraków, Poland months ago. It’s a fundraiser to assist Ukrainian refugees and I raised 450% over my stated fundraising goal, so I was really committed with no turning back.” Sixty long, overwhelming, intimidating, scary miles through Poland’s back roads were waiting. 

My son’s farewell words to me as I headed off on this great adventure were, ‘Mom, I’m telling you now. If anyone calls me from Poland asking me to bring you back home in a body cast, I AM NOT COMING.’ He went on to elaborate. ‘You are half badass, half out of your mind. And, by the way, yes, I’m proud of you and also afraid for your life!’

The truth is, this journey has never been about the bike. It has been about affirming values and beliefs which are important to me. It reinforced humility, learning, perseverance, tenacity, reflection…and at times, my stupidity. It magnified my determination and reminded me that I can absolutely do hard things and not give up. It provided proof positive that the world is filled with kind and generous people who consistently showed up to save me each time I stumbled or fell. And that is the strongest message taken away from this experience. It also confirmed that without a doubt, spandex biking shorts are not a good look for me.

Because I’m from Philadelphia, I internalized the spirit of Rocky Balboa in his first boxing match against Apollo Creed in the film Rocky repeating over and over again, ‘I just want to go the distance.’ If you’re wondering how this turned out and if I crossed the finish line, a picture is worth a thousand words. Sixty miles and 97 degrees Fahrenheit later, there I am crossing the finish line!

Next year, I’m hiking Mont Blanc! 

~Fran

The Man in the Arena

Former President Theodore Roosevelt’s Speech at the Sorbonne, April 23, 1910

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Fran’s Five Reflective Questions:

1. Recall a time in your life that was very challenging and you weren’t sure what the outcome would be. How did you manage through it? What did you learn about yourself when you came out on the other side?
2. In what ways do you challenge yourself in the present tense?
3. What is something that you want to “get smarter about” that you can take on as a new project?
4. What was difficult to learn that now feels like second nature to you?
5. When were you ‘the man in the arena’ described in the excerpt above, and what did you learn about yourself by being there?

5 of My Favorite Quotes About Doing Hard Things:

1. “I think that all of us are 5-year-olds and we don’t want to be embarrassed in the schoolyard. I’ve gone through things in my life. People say it must be so hard to do it in the public eye, but the truth is, when you go through hard things, it’s just hard.” – Helen Hunt
   
2. “If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you.” – Louis D. Brandeis
   
3. “It hasn’t always been easy. There are a lot of hard moments. Sometimes you learn from the end of the bench. Sometimes you learn from injuries. Sometimes you learn the most through the hard things. If you can keep a good attitude and keep working, you can put these new skills to use.” – Kyle Keever
   
4. “Your life’s course will not be determined by doing the things that you are certain you can do. Those are the easy things. It will be determined by whether you try the things that are hard.” – Sheryl Sandberg
   
5. “And what some people don’t understand was that bleeding wasn’t a sign of weakness; it was a sign of strength. It demonstrated to the world that you were vulnerable and ordinary, but when you wanted something enough, and fought hard for it, you were capable of doing extraordinary things.” – Natasha Ngan

5 of My Favorite Books About Doing Hard Things:

1. The Hard Thing About Doing Hard Things, by Ben Horowitz
2. Daring Greatly, by Brené Brown
3. Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar, by Cheryl Strayed
4. A Thousand Splendid Suns, by Khaled Hosseini
5. I Can Do Hard Things: Mindful Affirmations, by Gabi Garcia

July 2022

July 1-12, 2022
Re-cooperation from “The Ride for the Living” at the beach

July 13-15, 2022
Leadership Training Institute Camden County, NJ

July 18-19, 2022
Leadership Training Institute. North Little Rock, AK

July 26, 27, 28, 2022
Mid-Level Leadership Training. North Little Rock, AK